I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
