shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Randomize
