im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
