oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
