Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
