i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i think i have herpe
just one?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
