it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
