I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
