My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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