big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
