After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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