I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
