Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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