OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
