Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
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The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
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