I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
