hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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