Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
