Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
