Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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