So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
