My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's blow job season.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
