ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
