Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
