"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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