dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
