she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
