your parents love me but you hate me
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
