I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
