i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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