Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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