I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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