Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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