Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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