There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
