remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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