i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
