Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
