I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
