We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
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