They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
