his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
