her vagine was all disorganized.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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