yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
