i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
