the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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