I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
