My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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