They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
