I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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