I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
