How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
