My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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