the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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