dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
