Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
