nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
