All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
