You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Let's get the cat blown out
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
