Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
