I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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